Mommy Monday- Hard Pill To Swallow

I've mentioned before about J1's IBD issues.  We got labs done early last week for him.  We saw his regular pediatrician on Thursday.  He has been having more pain lately along with headaches and some knee stiffness. So, of course his inflammatory markers were elevated. What we didn't expect was that they were doubled from the last time and they were already elevated then.  The pills he takes are bright blue and are huge. He takes two in the morning and evening and one at lunch time.  He has other medicine too but I'm not going to get into that. Who knows if they will end up changing them due to this recent flair up. I worry about him far more than he worries about himself, but I'm the mom and that's what I do.

The dreaded pills.

When we first got his pills he had never been successful in swallowing a pill before.  These capsules that he takes can't be crushed or chewed because they are time release and are not effective unless swallowed whole. I thought I'd share how we got him to be able to swallow pills, and a huge ones at that.

You want me to swallow that?

Okay, I guess I'll try.

So, I went to the store and bought micro mini marshmallows (the little dehydrated ones for hot chocolate packets), Tic Tacs,  Good and Plenty,  and Mike and Ikes. The Mike and Ikes are the closest in size to the pills he takes.

We started with the micro marshmallows, they dissolve fast and are really tiny. 

He tried swallowing those a couple of times with the help of some water. I had him put one as far back in this throat as he could and then take a sip of water.

Once he was successful with those, we moved to tic tacs, then Good and Plenty, then finally the Mike and Ikes.  It took several tries with each, but he finally did it. Now, he takes his pills with no issues.

I got this!

Trailer Trash Tuesday- The Toilet

One of the *cough* joys *cough* of RV living is the pedal flush toilet.  There is no water tank on the back of the toilet. Instead there is a little foot lever that you step on and everything  goes down into a  large holding tank.  When you want the toilet to have water in it, you pull up on the pedal and it fills the bowl with water.  Of course, the holding tank gets full on occasion and we have to trod outside to pull a lever and all the waste rushes out in a big whoosh, through a large accordion pipe down into the connection for the sewer. Then once it is empty you push the lever back in and it stops all the crap from coming out. Or, at least that is how it is supposed to work.

Lately, my toilet has been giving me more problems than if I had goblins coming out of it.  I already told you how it is leaking.  Well, now it doesn't want to keep water in the bowl.  My precious J2 has the stinkiest poo imaginable and he needs that water to stay in the bowl for his mother's sanity.  On top of that, the pipe leading down to the tank keeps getting plugged.

I went about trying to fix it by buying some septic emergency bacteria stuff.  It was $8 and I decided to dump it down, hoping those little bacteria would eat up all the crap in the tank.  Well, come to find out, the tank wasn't completely closed. So, I basically dumped $8 into the toilet and down the drain.

I crawled all the way under the RV to try to manually move the piece that completely shuts the tank off, but I couldn't get it to budge. So, now every so often the pipe gets full of toilet paper and poo and starts to come up into the bowl, but luckily gravity has been helping and it eventually swooshes back down into the darkness.

Now, I need to convince the hubs to crawl under there and get the tank closed up.  Some things, I just can't do on my own. Now to find him some spare daytime hours to do it. That will be the real trick.

So, now you have a reason to be thankful for having a normal toilet! You're welcome. ;)

Mommy Monday- Stuck in Sunday

Mondays are the WORST.

As I was returning my library books today. I had an interesting exchange with the librarian at my community college. He is an older Hispanic gentleman who is very friendly and super helpful, he also has a touch of an accent. He asked me how I was doing. I said, "It's Monday." Then he said, "Mondays. De are bad because de always feel as if part of you is stuck in Sunday." Can I get an amen?

I apparently left my underwear, bra and shoes in Sunday. I forgot them all when I went to school today.  Now, don't get me wrong. I was wearing them when I left. I just forgot the extras that I bring to change into after my workout. Of course, I didn't realize they were missing until after I decided that a full on crazy 45 minute, sweat dripping off my face cardio workout was in order.  My underthings were drenched and I wasn't about to put them back on after my shower. So, I went commando for the first time in over a decade.

So, I went to all my classes, barreled through my first Biology test of the term, picked up my littles and headed home. I changed as fast as I could so that I could feel human again. I then went about trying to study so that I can hopefully pull an A in Chemistry. I also took time to argue about the true theme of Shakespeare's The Tragedy of Richard II in my online class.

Then, A2 and J2 decided that uncooked ramen would be a good snack.  Since I was absorbed I obliged them.  Then I look up and discover that the ramen is being crushed and scattered all over the couch and floor.  Next, I look up and the kids are playing with Legos.  Following that, suddenly the Legos are being flung all over as A2 desperately searches for just the right piece. Soon, A2 has grown tired of the Legos and wants to color. Of course, she decides that her markers and crayons are inadequate and she NEEDS to use the grown up pen/pencil stash. Now that entire stash is on the floor, along with the container and drawers pulled out. Since space is so limited in here it really looks like a bomb went off. I will spare you the carnage.

How such a small thing can make such a HUGE mess is a conundrum I don't think I will ever be able to solve.

Then, I got some more bad news but, that I am not going to regale you with.  I hope your Monday was better than mine, if you remembered your underwear, be happy because your day was better than mine.

Friends- A short letter to you.

My dear friends,

I apologize for not being consistent.  I am having a hard time organizing things and I really wanted this blog to work and it just isn't.  I am going to keep plodding along and attempting to post when I can.  I have had a hard time finding my voice and have been in a bit of a slump. I've also been frustrated by some of my work being pirated.

I am feeling like I value the friendships that I have more than my friends value me.  Of course, I haven't been able to keep in constant contact with them so they probably think I don't value them. But guess what, I DO! 

I am not going to name names but I want you to know that what contact you have had with me in my life, whether online, in person,whatever... that you mean something to me.  Your life has influenced mine for good.

So to all my friends, thank you for being a part of my life.

Yours always,

Noe

P.S. Next week I should have a great Friends on Friday interview post for you!

Trailer Trash Tuesday-Broken

List of things that are broken on the Trailer:

1. Kitchen sink has a big hole in the divider part of the two sinks. I fixed it with clear packing tape.

2. Refrigerator shelf. Attempted to fix with super glue but it broke again.

3. The toilet keeps leaking even after it was "fixed."

4. New floor vent covers are now cracked.

5. Hood for stove top doesn't want to stay up.

6. Bathroom fan is busted.

7. Laundry basket broke.

8. Hand towel holder in bathroom broke.

9. Couch covers are coming apart.

10. Shower/Tub faucet won't turn off so we have to close the shower head so that the water will stay off.

11. Silverware drawer.

I think the RV is trying to tell us to move or it is trying to help us accept the fact that we are living in a trailer that is trashed at the moment. But in better news, I am not feeling broken!

Mommy Monday

I really suck at being a blogging mother. I don't like to post about the things that my kids do when I don't know who will be reading everything.

They are all doing well. Those who are in school are getting good grades. The one that isn't in school is currently feeling a bit sick but still a sweetie.  Here's a picture from Christmas morning. Please note how they got in the Christmas spirit by turning their eyes red. Guess I will have to fix it when I have time... or not.

The Nothing

I like to pretend that I am strong and can be a good example to others. At least that is what I like to tell myself, that I am making a difference somehow because right now, things suck.

I deal with depression without meds. I am lucky that I can, or unlucky depending on who you ask. But right now I am in the midst of a severe bout but luckily school starts tomorrow and I will be able to exercise to keep the monster at bay. Well, that is my hope.  This post isn't for you but this time it is for me, because I am selfish like that.

I feel helpless. I feel that it is pointless,  I feel like nothing.  Depression to me feels like The Nothing in The Never-ending Story. A big black cloud that takes away everything that is beautiful, good, creative, and strong in the world.  It makes me feel like a nothing. Because it is something inside of me I feel that I am worthless and that I am The Nothing.  That everything I come into contact with becomes broken.  I withdraw from those I should care about and things that should be beautiful, good, creative and strong just seem as if they don't matter because nothing matters when I am depressed and that makes me feel more depressed.

The trigger to this latest bout was leaving Arizona after Christmas break.  The drive back was long and tedious and I was hurting from having dental work done down in Mexico.  I was mourning leaving my family once again.  I was stuck listening to a book on CD for hours, that I had no desire to hear.  I got back to the RV and suddenly there was a ton of work to do and things started breaking.  Then we found out that our renter in AZ is going to be moving at the end of February. So, now we are going to be stuck with a house payment for a house that we can't live in, leaving us with even less money than we already have.  It has made things harder than normal.

Even as I write that it just seems so petty and repetitive. Poor me, I'm so poor, your problems are insignificant to mine because I live in an RV blah blah blah.  I get sick of the constant complaining and that there seems to be always some tragedy lurking in the distance in my life and in my head.  Just when I get a glimpse of happiness, something happens to snatch it all away.  The thing that really has me scared is that I am losing my compassion for others.  The first couple years made me more sympathetic, but the longer I have been here the less feelings I have for others who I feel have it better than me.  The real me is kind, considerate and compassionate, but right now a monster has control and I am in the battle for my life once again.

I recently read two blogs that impacted me and made me jealous at the same time. One highlights that others who deal with depression have a much more severe version that I do, and the other is about not having mommy guilt, but I think that it can be applied to those that are not mothers too.  For now, I am going to recognize that I am of no use to anyone at the moment. So, here are two links to the two blogs:

The Bloggess

Don't Carpe Diem

I'm going to go try to scrape myself up and clean and pretend like everything is fine, even though I just want to   disappear.