TTh and FF- Cups and Spoons.

Since my Thursday was used up driving to and from Portland, I won't be posting a regular Theatre Thursday or Friends on Friday post. I did send in my information to the professor in charge of transfers in the theatre department at SOU and I am in the middle of an interview with Alaina B. whom I worked with on "Man With The Pointed Toes" that I will post next Friday. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

I did something really pathetic on Wednesday that I'm not proud of.  I had thought I had signed up to bring a treat for J2's party and somehow got assigned cups and spoons.  I found this all out on Wednesday when I was dealing with all the medication/insurance/doctor stuff and freaking out about if we were going to be able to get J1's medication.

I should have just bought the cups and spoons. I was stressing about how much cups and spoons cost verses apples or a bag of candy corn, like other mothers were assigned.  In actuality, I was really worried about J1 and how much it would cost to drive up there and back. I was also stressing about the lost studying time.

So, I wrote a lame email, expressing my disappointment in there not being a distinction between signing up to bring cups and spoons and bringing a treat.  Capital L-A-M-E.

His teacher wrote back saying to not worry about it and that another mother wanted to help and so she asked her to bring the cups and spoons. She also said that "It wasn't meant to be a burden." Ouch.

I wrote her back this morning and apologized. I realize now that I wasn't really upset about the cups and spoons but rather the drive to Portland, J1's health, my upcoming tests, etc.  Unfortunately, it manifested itself as I was upset over cups and spoons.

Sometimes, I am really pathetic.

Whatever Wednesday- It will all work out.

Today was interesting.

I had my classes like normal.

I picked up the kids like normal.

I then got a message from a nurse from OHSU saying that because of certain circumstances they couldn't authorize J1's prescription and that they needed to see him asap. If I had called two days earlier for his refill, there wouldn't have been a problem. Ironically, he only has two days left of medicine.

If he goes too long without his medicine he gets really sick and his intestines start throwing a hissy fit.

I called back and I got an answering service that said they closed 15 minutes before I called and to leave a message. So, I left a message telling them I could only bring him tomorrow because I have class on Friday and to please call me asap in the morning.

It's funny how your day can be going so well and then BAM something happens that throws you off. I was slightly panicking.

Luckily, the nurse actually called me back even though it was after hours.  She was able to get us an appointment tomorrow in the afternoon.

Thursday was supposed to be a study day. Now it will be a drive all day to Portland and back for a doctor's appointment for J1.

He will be seeing a new doctor as his old one changed hospitals.  I was just trying to refill his prescription and now we get to drive to Portland to get it.

They didn't think they would be able to get us in before his prescription ran out. But it somehow miraculously worked out.

In another twist of fate, my test that was supposed to be on Friday will now be on Monday. So, I will have time to study after all.

I even somehow found some lovely angels on earth to watch my other children while I am gone so I don't have to listen to J2 and A2 bicker the whole way.  It seems to have become their favorite sport lately.

So, what did I learn today?  It will all work out.

I am so blessed.

Trailer Trash Tuesday- Home is Family

Circumstances being what they are, I have been contemplating on life in our RV.  I was struck this morning by the lovely view and the stars twinkling as the sun started to rise over the horizon.  I then sat in awe in realizing that we are getting close to ending our time in the RV. A wave of gratitude washed over me and strangely a sense of sadness.  I will miss this place.  I like to joke and complain about the difficulties of living here but the truth is we have grown closer as a family.  It made me realize that home is family.

As we were trying to find a place to take our family pictures, we drove past the kids old school that was shut down last year. We decided that we should take our pictures there as it was empty. We were going to take some photos by the grass but the "HOME" part really stuck out to me.  We have been labeled as homeless but we really aren't.  As I said before, home is family.

Mommy Monday- An Unexpected Surprise

My body trembled and shook as I breathed and moaned through the intense contraction. Sweat dripped off of my skin in droves as if I had been running a marathon. My husband was dashing around trying to get everything ready for the baby’s imminent arrival. 

It was a couple days until my due date and my midwife was running late. Where the heck was she! She knew that once the contractions became almost intolerable that the baby would be here quickly. I was angry. This was my fourth pregnancy, so we knew by experience that it would be time soon. I was trying very hard not to push. 

 A primitive sound escaped my mouth. Panic was trying to creep into my mind. The pain was unrelenting. Without warning I heard an internal pop and felt the baby’s head slip into the birth canal. I yelled for my husband. This baby was coming whether we were ready or not. I let my body take over and do what it was made to do. With a gush of water and no other fanfare, my youngest daughter was born. I gently cradled her in my arms and she looked up at me with her bright innocent eyes. In that moment, I was happy.

That amazing experience, along with many others, has shown me that happiness is often found in some of the most unusual circumstances. I have also discovered that I am best able to recognize happiness after feeling an emotion that is one of the polar opposites of happiness. For instance, despite the anger, pain, and intense non-happy feelings experienced during the labor and delivery of my fourth child; an incredible sense of peace, love and happiness was mine at the end of it all. 

 I find that happiness is found within ourselves regardless of where we are geographically located. My definition or idea of happiness best coincides with a Denis Waitley quote. He sums it up perfectly, “Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.”

Friends on Friday- Cathy

What to say about Cathy?  It is not that I don't have the words, it is just that there are so many words to describe her. She is unique.  She is one of those mothers who somehow manages to work full time but always have time for her daughters and her friends.  She is always planning fun things for them to do.  She has 392 pictures on her phone and not one of them is of her.  She is selfless, compassionate and loving to all whom she calls friend.  She also has been having some debilitating health problems lately but she powers through them everyday with a smile on her face and a joke at the ready for whomever needs her.  I adore Cathy and I am honored to have her as my friend...

One of the only single pictures of Cathy from work.

N: Tell me about yourself.

C: I am a 33 (until Saturday) mother of two. Happily unmarried with two cats and one dog.

Cathy with her two daughters, A1 and A2.

N: What are you most passionate about?

C: My kids and family

N: What was one of the defining moments in your life?

C:  Man, there have been so many. I would say the defining moment was losing my mom at age 17.

N: What is the funnest thing you have done with your kids?

C: We are always doing fun things. While we have done the Disney trip, rock climping, cave exploring and amusement parks, the most fun we have are the unplanned moments.Singing "The Lazy Song" while driving down the road at the top of our lungs with the windows down. Or just hanging out doing competitions on the Wii's Dance Revolution game. Picnics in the back yard, even when it is raining. Staring up at the clouds on a warm summer day. Picking strawberries and turning it into some yummy dessert. I would have to say the funnest thing I have done with my kids, is just being a kid myself.

N: I remember you telling me several kidisms that your youngest daughter has said. What is your favorite kidism that you have heard from her?


C: I have often said I should keep a book. The mind of a 3 year old, so innocent and unknowing yet thoughtful and kind.

The only thing I can think of right now is last night as I was tucking A2 in she told me not to kiss her on the mouth because her nose was running, instead I was to kiss her on her fourth head so I wouldnt get sick. I could not help but laugh.

N: I have heard you are a bit of a prankster, what is your most memorable prank?

C: My most memorable prank was not intended to be a prank. I made black bean brownies and told everyone not to eat to many because they were made with black beans. My SO decided I said that to keep everyone from eating them all and ate the whole pan. By 3 am he was in the fetal position on the bathroom floor. It looked like he was in labor.

N: That's funny. Now for something a bit serious. You don't have to answer if you don't want to. Do you think that losing your mom at an early age helped you become a better mom?

C: It helped and it hurt.

 

It helped me see time is short and you never know how much time you have left. So I tend to live each day as it could be my last. While I know I was very much loved growing up, I make sure I always tell my kids and loved ones I love them everyday. I make sure to cherish those special moments as you never know when or if they will come again.

But I grew up too fast and became a mom at 17 to my younger brothers. I have never finished college since I dropped out to raise and support them. I never really had a chance to grow up. I sometimes feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders with no one to turn to.  I feel it has made it harder to develop relationships with friends and/or romantic partners as I am always afraid of losing the one I love. It has also made me avoid conflict as the last conversation I had with my mom was an argument. I have never been able to let that go.  Even when that means sacraficing my own wants and needs.

N: I am glad you decided to be my friend.  Like I said before, you are one of the most selfless people I know. I'm curious and nosy, what made you decide to be "Happily unmarried"?

C:  I was married to my oldest daughters dad. The day we got married he turned into Dr Jekyl (or which ever one was the bad one). I do not know why. He was mentally abusive and unfaithful. I sank into a deep depression.

To me, I have made the commitment in my heart to love S. and for now he is fine with that. I am sure one day he will press the issue of getting married, and I will go through with it. But marriage scares me to death. We live together as husband and wife with out the benefits of being a married couple. But we love each other just as much as most married couples, if not more than some.

N: If you could actually know that your wish would come true when you blow out your candles on your birthday, what would you wish for?

C: My oldest daughter not to struggle. She is having a rough time with adolescence and was diagnosed Bipolar a couple years ago. I wish she could wake up cured. I wish she could see how wonderful of a person she is and how much she is loved. I wish she did not struggle with anxiety and depression. If it were possible I would take her disorder on my shoulders so she could grow up and happy preteen and worry about things preteen girls are suppose to worry about like boys and clothes and friends. But I do not see that happening, so instead I wish for the love and patience to help her through this time in her life so she can grow into the loving beautiful person I know she is.

N:  I wish I could grant that wish for you Cathy.  But, since I can't do that, I have asked several of your friends to write a little note, happy, funny, sentimental or whatever they wanted and needed to say about you for your birthday.  My wish for you is that you will know you are beloved of your friends and as you will see, we all think you are great. Happy Birthday, Cathy. May it be as wonderful as you are.

Cathy's friends:

Sarah: 

Cathy is the single most dedicated mom I know. Rain or shine, tired, whatever, she makes every minute count. And she has a wicked sense of humor, too.

Crystal A: 

Cathy is a great listener. :)

Ashley T: 

Cathy doesn't let life bog her down no matter how many lemons are tossed her way. She is awesome at tossing the lemons right back at life. She is an inspiration as a woman, mother and friend. LOVE YOU CATHY <3 Happy Birthday to the bestest Cathy in the whole wide world.

Jen R: 

Cathy has been a great support and true friend in my darkest hours. I appreciate her humor, her dedication to her girls and her strength inspires me.

Paige: 

Cathy always knows the right thing to say no matter what your problem is. She helps you solve your problem giving you a laugh along the way. She is an amazing mommy and friend!

Lela: 

Cathy has truly been there for me thru good times and bad. We've been on two great vacations together and even spent 14 hours crammed into my tiny car together. She is an amazingly strong woman, mother and friend. Love her to pieces!!

Nicole: 

Cathy is truly one of the most amazing women I know. She is generous, caring, creative, and is the strongest woman I've ever had the pleasure of calling 'friend.' Through the ups and downs of life, she's always there with an encouraging word and inspiration. Love that lady!

Nadine: 

Cathy has all the best qualities any mom and friend could have. She is funny when you need to laugh, compassionate when you need to cry, sensible in the midst of chaos, strong enough for those in need of strength, and loving enough to love in spite of imperfection. I'm grateful to call her my friend and to learn so many wonderful things by watching her live and share.

Crystal T: 

Cathy is a strong and wonderful Woman. I admire her for her kindness and her gentle heart. She is truly an amazing Mother who would do anything for her children. She is there for her friends when they need a hug or when they could use a good laugh.

Laura I:  

Awesome, Brave, Caring, Dependable, Empowered, Fabulous, Giving, Hopeful, Incredible, Joyful, Kooky, Loving, Magnificent, Nifty, Optimistic, Pensive, Quirky, Resilient, Selfless, Thoughtful, Ultimate, Veracious, Wonderful, X-cellent, Yummy, Zany. I heart Cathy! She is the best.

Libby: 

Cathy has a true and honest love for all living things, and I admire her strength and resilience. She inspires me to want to be a better person, even though she doesn't even realize how unique she really is. Plus, she's totally hot. :)

Molly: 

C-caring
A-awesome
T-thoughtful
H-half-full kind of gal
Y- youthful and fun

Cathy is number one!

Deedra:

Webster's dictionary defines empathy as the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner. In the area for examples, there should be a listing for Cathy. She feels everything so deeply and truly understands her friends. It is a rare quality to find.

Nicky:

Cathy is a hilarious, amazing, caring, wonderful mother and person who I am proud to call a friend.

Irina:

Cathy is incredibly generous emotionally, physically, and mentally. She gives every last ounce of energy not only to her family and others that she loves, but anyone and everyone she comes across who needs it. I feel lucky to know someone so truly beautiful, selfless and kind.

Casie:

Cathy is the most selfless person I know. She is always the first to check on a friend in need and offer support. She is an amazing mother, who gives her all for her kids. She is kind, generous and beautiful inside and out. I am blessed to call her a friend.

Noe:  

Cathy, You are all these things and more.  Thanks for making me smile when I needed too and supporting me when I've cried.  I admire your strength, beauty and character. Happy Birthday.

If you would like to leave a birthday note for Cathy, please comment below this post.  

Theatre Thursday- Hale Centre Theater -AZ- Pointed Toes

In the summer of 2003 I helped assist at the Conservatory, I met some amazing people.  I designed and made the costumes for their production of A Midsummer Night's Dream.  It was an incredible summer filled with some very talented people who have gone on to do amazing things in the theatre community.

In the fall, one of my 'students', Chad K., called and told me that the leading lady in a show he was cast in, dropped out due to scheduling conflicts with another show.  He asked if I would be interested in auditioning.  I asked him what the show was about and a little about the character.

The show was called Man With the Pointed Toes by Lynn and Helen Root. He told me the show was about a cowboy who had suddenly found oil on a property that he had won in a card game.  He then meets a lady from NY and goes gaga for her.  He doesn't feel like he has enough 'culture' to win her and decides to hire a tutor to help educate him.  The lady from NY is a gold digger or oil digger as the case may be.  The schoolteacher he hires is a bit plain looking at first but has a heart of gold.  The cowboy and the schoolteacher start to have feelings for each other and hilarity ensues as they try to express their feelings and the ranch hands try to oust the NY gal out of the cowboy's life.  Basically, it is a romantic comedy about unrequited love. It was the AZ premiere of  Man With the Pointed Toes.

Headshot for the show

I said I was interested so I went down to audition.  As regular auditions had already occurred, there were just three of us there to audition for the schoolteacher role.  The director, Allan Dietlein, was there along with his son, Dave, who is the owner of the Hale Centre Theatre in AZ.  You can read about their amazing history here. They are gentlemen in every sense of the word.

Allan, Sandy, me and Dave on New Years 2004.

There were only cold readings with the leading man, no monologues.  It was kind of a weird audition because my competitors were in the room, if my memory serves me correctly. I threw myself into the character, one of the scenes we read was where the schoolteacher gets drunk/high on antidepressants and I just went with it, using my previous skills of acting drunk. It felt good to be acting again. We were then asked to wait in the hallway while they decided. Allan came out and said that they appreciated all of us coming to audition and that they decided to cast me in the role. I was really excited but had to contain my enthusiasm because the other auditionees were right there.

Me as Florence the school teacher/ tutor

I jumped right into rehearsals. It was a little weird coming into a cast that had already been working with each other for a bit.  I worked really hard on my characterization.  Alan's wife Sandy did the costumes for the show and is just an amazingly gracious woman.  Alaina B. played the lady from NY and she was just fabulous, we got to play in other shows later as well. We were the only women in the production and had a blast.

I wish I had a better picture but this is the only one my mom
was able to take of Alaina B. and Chad K.

The Hale Center Theatre is a theatre in the round, which means the audience is on all sides of the stage. Instead of looking up at the stage, they are seated stadium style on the four sides of the stage looking down or if you are on the front row, you are level with the actors on the stage. So, this was all new to me. The audience is very close and you have to not only act with your front side but your back side too.

View from the west.

View from the north.

The show was an instant success and we remounted it in their country theatre in Sandy, UT. We remounted it again in 2004 at Hale Centre Theatre.  Since I moved, they have done the show a couple more times, but with Alaina B. in the role I played and another actress in her original part.  The leading man was also recast for those later remounts.  It is a very entertaining show, it is a bit like My Fair Lady but with the teacher as a woman and the man as the one needing some refinement. So, I was not surprised it became an audience favorite.

Trying to look pretty and feeling like a failure.

Starting to fall in love

Feeling inadequate but trying to be encouraging.

It remains one of my favorite roles ever. I could play it a million times and not get sick of it.  The cast was just amazing and had great chemistry. The men who played the ranch hands were just brilliant comedic actors and made the show super fun.  I felt blessed to work with such amazing actors and was grateful to my former student for thinking of me for the role.

Chad, me, John J, John A, and Don C.

Chad and I along with my other Conservatory
friends in the background after a show.

This production was only the second show to perform in the newly built theatre. It is amazing that I am now a part of their incredible history. I wish I had some better pictures and a cast shot, but alas I do not.  This role led to some other great roles for this company but those will be highlighted in the coming weeks.

Whatever Wednesday- Bad Family Photos

I've been thinking about attempting to take family photos again.  We have always taken our own family photos with the timer on my camera.  So we have lots of mess up photos.  I hope that someday I will be able to get professional pictures done, but for now we must do it the frugal way.  So for your enjoyment here are the Mathias Family Photo Mess ups:

So, here it is the end of 2011 and we haven't had a chance to attempt another photo shoot.  I hope we have a good day here soon so we can do it.  Hopefully, they will turn out better than these.

Trailer Trash Tuesday- Too Many Tomatoes

Let me introduce you to my fridge.  As you can see it is very small and I shove as many things in there as I can. What can I say? This is trailer living at it's finest.  Recently, the bottom shelf on the door decided it had had enough and bailed on me.  So, now I have even less space than normal in there.  Those shelves are expensive at $25 bucks a pop. Ouch.

We were really blessed this year as far as tomatoes are concerned.  My BIL gave us a bunch of tomato plants toward the beginning of the summer and they just took off.  We have big tomatoes, medium tomatoes and small grape tomatoes.  I'm told tomatoes don't normally do well in this area but we must have them in a prime spot.

I have too many for our family to eat on our own, but not enough to can.  Luckily, this last Saturday our church had Super Saturday.  It is a day where women can pick a craft or two or more and just spend the day working on it and enjoying the company of other women. They also have a lunch and I signed up to bring a salad and a dessert.

I made a regular salad with the grape tomatoes but felt like I needed to do something else.  So, I looked in my teeny fridge and saw what I had on hand.  I had mozzarella and tomatoes. I then remembered that the Pioneer Woman had posted a recipe called Caprese Salad. I headed over to the grocery store and picked up some basil. I had all the other ingredients on hand.

The planets aligned for the briefest of moments and soon I had this:

OMGoodness, this was amazing.  I even heard much raving about my Caprese Salad at the luncheon.

Unfortunately the planets went out of alignment for my dessert and it wasn't as great as it could have been. My cursed oven wasn't cooking fast enough and the pumpkin cake I made was taking forever.  So, I made some vanilla pudding and put whip cream on top of it.  The whip cream melted on the way to the luncheon and looked horrendous.  The cake did get done in time and although it wasn't pretty, it was tasty. Here is the link to what I made but with regular icing, so easy, as long as you don't have an RV oven.

I was happy to use up all the tomatoes, but I just went out yesterday to the garden and got all of these...

I think another Caprese Salad is on the menu, or maybe tomato soup. Decisions, decisions. All I know is there is no room in my fridge.

Mommy Monday- Happiness Amid Misery

Wow, I don't know what I was thinking, but trying to blog on a Monday has proved to be the most difficult.  Add to that blogging about being a mom and that just doubles the problem.  So, I think the next four weeks on Monday, I will post a story about one of my kids.  This is a paper I wrote in my first Writing class, two years ago involving J1:

Happiness Amid Misery

The walls were a cold, blank white.  The room was quiet except for the whir and occasional beep of a machine. The lights were dimmed for the comfort of the little inhabitants of this place. He was encased in a plastic box with a lid like a bread box.  Wires ran from all the essential parts of his body. A tiny hand clenched my finger, making me feel as if I were a giantess.  As I lifted him from his clear case that eerily resembled Snow White’s coffin, I felt a jolt pierce through my heart. How was it that such a small thing could elicit such a strong emotion from me?  My firstborn son snuggled into the crook of my arm and happiness was mine.

Across the room a loud burst of beeping machines heralded an emergency. Nurses bolted into the room, followed by frantic doctors.  A tiny life was slipping away.  Time seemed to slow down.  My heart thudded in my chest in agony for the little child and its parents.  The alarms seemed to speed up and the doctor’s movements quickened. Suddenly, there was silence. The air was thick with grief. Here in the NICU  misery and happiness were companions and distanced by mere feet.

Eric Wiener says, “’Misery serves a purpose’ says psychologist David Myers. He’s right. Misery alerts us to dangers. It’s what spurs our imagination” (323). Statements like that infuriate me. Specifically, the last part really gets my goat. Misery serves many purposes, the least important being my imagination.   Most of those who have experienced true misery rightfully avoid it like the plague. Some like Eric Wiener, witness misery and try to minimize it by claiming it as a sort of Muse.  I do agree that it does alert us to dangers, but more importantly it can help us recognize and appreciate happiness.  Have you ever noticed that those who have experienced tragedy and misery and ‘escaped’ are some of the wisest and dare I say happy people you’ve ever heard of or met? Mother Teresa, for one, comes to mind. Do I think you have to have misery to experience happiness? No. I do, however, feel that to really appreciate happiness and embrace it, you need to be able to have something to contrast it against.  I’m not saying that you should go and seek out opportunities to experience misery; life will provide its own without any help.

My trip to the NICU that day taught me many things about life, especially relating to misery and happiness. Firstly, that happiness and misery in life can be a literal heartbeat away.  I may have forgotten that moment of happiness with my son, if it had not been etched into my memory because of the tragic event of that day. Even though I did not know that infant or its family, I was able to witness the misery and then truly be grateful and happy for the moment I did have with my son. Secondly, I learned that a tiny, helpless newborn can instantly change your views on the world, but more importantly that all life is precious, no matter how short.  In turn, small moments of happiness, no matter how short are precious and should be acknowledged as such. For me, tallying up all the tiny moments of happiness in a day does wonders for my overall happiness and contentment with my life. I will always be grateful to the unnamed newborn that lost its life that day. That little baby taught me that each microsecond matters. So for me, that life, though cut short, helped me unlock the keys to happiness in my own life.

Today I am faced with the mortality of my firstborn son, once again.  He is now ten years old and has recently begun experiencing debilitating abdominal pain and has been rapidly losing weight. The most likely culprit seems to be something that could eventually kill him if left unchecked. Luckily, we have access to a great doctor and medical facility in Portland. Unfortunately, at this time, we do not have a definitive diagnosis. We will soon face another blank white room and hopefully discover what if anything we can do to cure him. Misery will be there again caused by the waiting and the agony over the unknown and things I cannot change. Surprisingly, at times like these, all the tiny moments of joy come flooding back: a hug here, a little kiss there.  Like a mini movie in my head I think about the times he met each of his siblings, the first time he scored a goal in a soccer game, each of his birthdays, the first time he learned to ride a bike and his unforgettable performance as Tom Turkey in second grade. All these moments, though lasting just a short time individually, have already added up to a lifetime of joy.  So, I know that happiness will be there too, because right now, I have a son who knows he is loved and that makes all the difference. 

Works Cited

Weiner, Eric (2009). The Geography of Bliss. New York: Twelve.

Update: J1 still has an unofficial diagnosis of IBD but is on medication. He does great as long as he remembers his medicine.  Those huge blue pills are a constant reminder of his and my own mortality. I hope to use this reminder to be courageous in how I live my life.  I hope you can find the courage to be happy in yours.

Friends on Friday- Kelly

Kelly is one of those friends, who seems to have it all.  She is pretty, smart, crafty, and has two beautiful little girls.  She is so crafty in fact, that she has a wonderful blog http://livingcraftilyeverafter.blogspot.com/.  Seriously, it is fabulous.  In my imaginary little world, I like to pretend that I got her hooked on her crafting, starting with bows.  Of course, her creations are a gazillion times better than mine, which I love! On to the interview...

Kelly with S1 modeling a headband I made.

N: Tell me about yourself. 

K:  Where do I start? I married my best friend 5 years ago and we both wanted to start our family right away. We discovered that we were not able to get pregnant on our own and started down the fetility specialist path. We were very lucky and after a few months of IVF I got pregnant and our daughter S1 was born in March of 2008. We were even luckier with our second and got pregnant the first month of IVF. Our second daughter S2 was born in August of 2010. I love those girls more than anything. The second they were born I forgot all the heartache and pain I went through trying to become a mom. They truly are my little miracles! 

Miracle girls.

Besides spoiling my children, I also love to hang out with friends. We are lucky and have a great group of friends who all have kids the same age as ours. When our 6 families get together we have 11 kids all 3 and under! It is chaos, but so much fun! We love to have backyard BBQs, go camping, spend time at the lake and we always say we have to go on a big Disney Cruise with all of them! I also love to exercise and recently ran my first Mud Run! And considering I hate dirt that was a major deal for me!!

Kelly at the Mud Run

N: What are you passionate about?

K: My kids. I know that is cliche but its the truth. I recently got laid off work and we are now doing everything we can so I can stay home with them for a year or so. They are only young once!

N: What was one of the defining moments of your life? 

K: Honestly, I think one of the most defining times in my life was the year long struggle to get pregnant. The months and months of trying only to be let down over and over again. It is the most heartwrenching experience. I can't even begin to explain the emotional wreck I became. I was angry at any pregnant lady I saw. I hated my friends when they "accidentally" got pregnant. I was a cold and bitter person. But I was also so sad it physically hurt. I was broken. And then we started IVF. I had to give myself daily injections of medicine, go to multiple doctors appointments a week, all the while not knowing if I would ever get pregnant. It is a struggle I would never wish on my worst enemy. But it made me stronger. It made me really work for what I wanted. I think I am a better mom because of it. I think my marriage is stronger because of it. I am a better woman because of it.

I love this picture because you can really see how much Kelly
just adores her daughters by the expression on her face.

N: What would you say to your daughter(s) if she/they also ended up having the same fertility issues that you have struggled with?

K: Don't give up. If its what you want, don't give up on your dream of becoming a mother because it is THE greatest thing in the world. It is worth all the heartache and struggle to become one. I would also do everything I could to help them reach that dream. The first time we went through IVF our insurance did not cover a single cent of it. And IVF is not cheap. We weren't in a place financially where we could pay the thousands of dollars it would have cost. Luckily my parents stepped in and offered to help us out. I will never forget when I started crying thanking my parents, my mom said to me "we would never deny you the opportunity to be parents." I would do the same for my children.

S1 with S2

N: How blessed you are to have such amazing parents. What advice could you give to those who are struggling to conceive?

K: Like I said to my children, Don't give up. I would let them know it is going to be tough. It is going to be an emotional roller coaster. It's ok to be bitter. It's ok to be angry. It's ok to be sad. It's ok. And I would let them know I am there for them. Infertility is something that unless you have been through it, you really cannot understand the emotions wrapped up with it.

N: Given that, what advice would you give to those with family or friends who are struggling to conceive?

K: Don't tell them "I understand". You don't. You CAN'T. And I swear the statement I hated the absolute most when we were going through this was "There is always adoption. There are tons of kids out there who need a loving home". That always killed me. Yes, I understand there are children out there who need homes, but I want MY child. It made me feel like I had no right being upset about not being able to get pregnant just because there were children out there who needed to be adopted. I would never tell someone struggling with infertility that.


N: What were you passionate about before starting your family and/or were you always passionate about becoming a mother eventually?

K: I always knew I wanted to be a mother. But I also used to be so passionate about sports. I played soccer my entire life. I loved it. I tried to join an adult league a few months ago but it fell through. I am still looking though. But for now I love playing soccer with Sam in the backyard. :) And hopefully if the girls like playing too, I will be able to coach their teams!

N: I know that you are very crafty. What project are you the most proud of?

K: Hmmm good question. I think this year I am most proud of the birthday parties I threw for the girls. I know they wont remember them, but I will always have the pictures! I hope when they get older they can see all the effort I put into the party so they would have a perfect day!

See more pictures here.

You have got to check out her blog on how to make
the cute party hat. 

N: One more fun one. You mentioned a Disney cruise before and I know that you recently returned from Disneyland, so, what is your favorite ride at Disneyland?

K: My favorite ride is Space Mountain. :)

Kelly's family at Disney

N: I truly believe you are a remarkable woman and mother, Kelly. I am inspired by your talent and determination. I am awed by your decision to take an incredibly difficult situation and let it turn you into the incredible and amazing mother that you are to your daughters. It has helped me remember that my children are wonderful little miracles. Thank you for being my friend and helping me remember how blessed I truly am to be a mother.

Theatre Thursday- The Second Conservatory Year

I knew that the Conservatory would offer me an opportunity to dust my talents off and reuse them again.  I was scared but knew that I was in good hands with the faculty. I felt safer there than just plunging headlong into auditioning for shows after such a long break.

They had changed the format a bit and decided that instead of just doing scenes for the final performance that we would do a full blown production. So, despite not having to audition to get into the conservatory I did have to audition for a part in Shakespeare's A Winter's Tale.


It was intimidating once again to be surrounded by my friends as instructors and strangers as classmates.  I couldn't help but feel that I had betrayed my friends in some way by running away to join the Army. I mean who does that?  I tried desperately to win their support once again and put my heart into my audition.  I performed Ophelia's "Affrighted" monologue in front of everyone.  Mr. G (who was once an upperclassmen of mine in HS) said that he never wanted to see that monologue again.  I think he meant it as a compliment, in that it disturbed him somehow.

And did I forget to mention,  my Hamlet was directing this show.  Gah! I was so nervous.  To round out our instructors, I had the amazing TH as the director of the whole conservatory program (who played Gertrude in Hamlet).  Her marvelous brother MH who was also in Hamlet.  DG also in Hamlet. CW who was in Hamlet and H on T.  The director of Hamlet came back to teach Restoration Comedy to the Track Two students and there was one instructor that I did not know who came from California, Mr. E who taught Comedy. Also, the unforgettable LW who helped me find my singing voice.

As I said, friends as my instructors.  I was so blessed.  All the roles were double/triple cast to accommodate everyone.  I got cast as Hermione, Time.  I was the second Hermione when Leontes first accuses her, and at the end when they are reunited.  Time is a narrator of sorts that comes in the middle of the play to say that time has passed and they are in a different place.  We did a dance with sand.  DH still likes to tease me about the sand dance. It was done with a bit of an Oriental twist.  We also had half masks.  We all wore black with fabric that draped over us in various ways depending on our character. I also ended up sewing the edges of all that fabric with my serger.

Leontes and me as older Hermione.

It was a great summer. I met some wonderful people whom I still consider friends, even if I only "see" them on FB.  We also remounted the show in the Fall for the college, with a slightly different cast and I got to play my same roles with a bit more in the beginning for Hermione and I also played Old Shepard but as Old Shepardess instead.

Amazingly tired cast. Try to find me.

Once again, a great experience for me. It was my first time on a thrust stage.  We also had a white scrim behind us where there were sometimes shadows of the action happening behind it such as the famous "Exit, pursued by a bear" scene. It was the most artistic show that I have ever been involved with but it was a blast.

JK with Bear that kills him. Audience only saw the bear in profile.
I'm  in the back putting on my makeup

After this, I was asked to come back to the conservatory the next summer to help assist Mr. E in teaching.  This was in order for me to learn more by teaching and hopefully help some people on the way.  It was a generous offer and I gladly accepted.

I can't begin to tell you how these wonderful people affected my life.  They helped bring me out of the pit of my despair and accepted me even though I had abandoned the theatre for several years.  They were a second family to me and I still love them and appreciate all that I learned about myself and the theatre.  I will never forget them.

Whatever Wednesday- Harmony

I love music.  I love singing.  But let us be honest. It terrifies me.  It always has.  I have been told I have a good tone to my voice. When I had a semi-impromptu solo performance at church during Christmas-time last year, I was told by someone I respect, that I sang "Silent Night" like an angel and that it was the best they have ever heard.  While, I know that God was with me when I sang that song, I was shaking like crazy. Luckily, the podium hid my quivering legs from everyone except the Bishop and his counselors.

The last cruise I went on, I sang in one of their "talent" shows, where they have cruisers dress up as certain celebrity singers and belt out their hit songs in varying degrees of talent.  I hadn't been on stage for so long that I decided to do it just for fun.  The reaction I got was great and the dancers in the show said I did well. Maybe they were lying but I like to think they meant it.

Me as Gloria Estefan with one of my backup dancers.

I have been steadily working on overcoming my fear of singing and music in general.  So this semester I signed up for a music class.  I didn't want to leap right into theory so I went with a 200 level Intro to Music.

In my music class we are currently learning about harmony.  In some of the exercises, we have had to listen to the melody and pick out the rhythm and such.  We learned that many pop songs have just a I-V-VI-IV chord progression.  Then our teacher showed us this video:

This totally cracked me up.  So then, I was in my car listening to Lady Gaga's "You and I" and while it didn't have the same chord progression as the above video it does have the same basic underlying beat as "We Will Rock You" by Queen.

Then I remember when Gaga came out with "Born This Way" and how much I thought it was just like Madonna's "Express Yourself"  So as I was surfing YouTube I found this:

So, what I learned is that there are only so many chords available and only so many combinations that are possible.  Also, we like the familiar and the repetitive as far as the underlying chords in a song.

I'm not saying this is good or bad.  Just that it is interesting and for me, it makes music a lot less intimidating.  I don't have to reinvent the wheel or a chord as the case may be! Just need a little harmony.

Trailer Trash Tuesday-The truth shall set you free

Last week in my wellness class, Prof. D was asking what everyone did over the weekend.  The responses were fairly mundane and some even said how they had a bad weekend because of one reason or another.  Then he gets to me and I say, "I spent the weekend getting lice out of my kids' hair."  The whole classroom groaned.  I think it may have helped them feel better about their weekends.

 Prof. D then asked if I had washed everything.  I told him that I made an extended trip to the laundry mat with all the kids, because I don't have a washer and dryer.  He then asked if I had laundry hook-ups.  I told him, "No. We live in an RV 5th wheel."  The class went dead silent at that point, and were listening more intently.  Prof. D had quite the shocked look on his face, but then recovered with asking where we parked it.  I told him that a gentleman in our church lets us park it on his property because he has RV hookups and gives us a good deal on rent.  Prof. D said that was good and then proceeded to ask others in the class how their weekend went.  No one had a bad weekend after that.

So, now Prof. D, an older gentleman, (who reminds me a of a cross between my uncle and my dad, but with killer calve muscles) has taken it upon himself to try to find a way for me to exercise on a regular basis.  He has been really sweet about it, in a non-creepy way.  He is convinced that it will help release some stress in my life.  I know that it will, but getting my body to agree is another issue altogether.

Mentally, I am feeling great but my body not so much.  I have discovered that my body has a love/hate relationship with the rowing machine.

It all fits into my plan of becoming a better actress though.  If my body is more fit and flexible I will be able to create more variety into my roles, at least physically.  I think my life experiences are making up for the emotional growth and variety.

I wonder if I may be a little too honest at times. I don't feel the need to sugar coat anymore.  I am who I am. Rambling and all that jazz.  It feels liberating instead of feeling like I need to hide where we live.  I do still cringe every time a car comes up the driveway, worrying about if someone has decided to call CPS because of our "substandard" housing.

I took courage though, when last Saturday two people who had never been inside the RV came inside.  Their first reaction was, "Wow, this is really nice in here."  So, once again I am grateful for living where we live and that it really is nice in here.  After all, this is my castle.

Yours truly,
Queen of the Trailer Trash