Trailer Trash Tuesday- The Toilet

One of the *cough* joys *cough* of RV living is the pedal flush toilet.  There is no water tank on the back of the toilet. Instead there is a little foot lever that you step on and everything  goes down into a  large holding tank.  When you want the toilet to have water in it, you pull up on the pedal and it fills the bowl with water.  Of course, the holding tank gets full on occasion and we have to trod outside to pull a lever and all the waste rushes out in a big whoosh, through a large accordion pipe down into the connection for the sewer. Then once it is empty you push the lever back in and it stops all the crap from coming out. Or, at least that is how it is supposed to work.

Lately, my toilet has been giving me more problems than if I had goblins coming out of it.  I already told you how it is leaking.  Well, now it doesn't want to keep water in the bowl.  My precious J2 has the stinkiest poo imaginable and he needs that water to stay in the bowl for his mother's sanity.  On top of that, the pipe leading down to the tank keeps getting plugged.

I went about trying to fix it by buying some septic emergency bacteria stuff.  It was $8 and I decided to dump it down, hoping those little bacteria would eat up all the crap in the tank.  Well, come to find out, the tank wasn't completely closed. So, I basically dumped $8 into the toilet and down the drain.

I crawled all the way under the RV to try to manually move the piece that completely shuts the tank off, but I couldn't get it to budge. So, now every so often the pipe gets full of toilet paper and poo and starts to come up into the bowl, but luckily gravity has been helping and it eventually swooshes back down into the darkness.

Now, I need to convince the hubs to crawl under there and get the tank closed up.  Some things, I just can't do on my own. Now to find him some spare daytime hours to do it. That will be the real trick.

So, now you have a reason to be thankful for having a normal toilet! You're welcome. ;)

Mommy Monday- Stuck in Sunday

Mondays are the WORST.

As I was returning my library books today. I had an interesting exchange with the librarian at my community college. He is an older Hispanic gentleman who is very friendly and super helpful, he also has a touch of an accent. He asked me how I was doing. I said, "It's Monday." Then he said, "Mondays. De are bad because de always feel as if part of you is stuck in Sunday." Can I get an amen?

I apparently left my underwear, bra and shoes in Sunday. I forgot them all when I went to school today.  Now, don't get me wrong. I was wearing them when I left. I just forgot the extras that I bring to change into after my workout. Of course, I didn't realize they were missing until after I decided that a full on crazy 45 minute, sweat dripping off my face cardio workout was in order.  My underthings were drenched and I wasn't about to put them back on after my shower. So, I went commando for the first time in over a decade.

So, I went to all my classes, barreled through my first Biology test of the term, picked up my littles and headed home. I changed as fast as I could so that I could feel human again. I then went about trying to study so that I can hopefully pull an A in Chemistry. I also took time to argue about the true theme of Shakespeare's The Tragedy of Richard II in my online class.

Then, A2 and J2 decided that uncooked ramen would be a good snack.  Since I was absorbed I obliged them.  Then I look up and discover that the ramen is being crushed and scattered all over the couch and floor.  Next, I look up and the kids are playing with Legos.  Following that, suddenly the Legos are being flung all over as A2 desperately searches for just the right piece. Soon, A2 has grown tired of the Legos and wants to color. Of course, she decides that her markers and crayons are inadequate and she NEEDS to use the grown up pen/pencil stash. Now that entire stash is on the floor, along with the container and drawers pulled out. Since space is so limited in here it really looks like a bomb went off. I will spare you the carnage.

How such a small thing can make such a HUGE mess is a conundrum I don't think I will ever be able to solve.

Then, I got some more bad news but, that I am not going to regale you with.  I hope your Monday was better than mine, if you remembered your underwear, be happy because your day was better than mine.

Friends- A short letter to you.

My dear friends,

I apologize for not being consistent.  I am having a hard time organizing things and I really wanted this blog to work and it just isn't.  I am going to keep plodding along and attempting to post when I can.  I have had a hard time finding my voice and have been in a bit of a slump. I've also been frustrated by some of my work being pirated.

I am feeling like I value the friendships that I have more than my friends value me.  Of course, I haven't been able to keep in constant contact with them so they probably think I don't value them. But guess what, I DO! 

I am not going to name names but I want you to know that what contact you have had with me in my life, whether online, in person,whatever... that you mean something to me.  Your life has influenced mine for good.

So to all my friends, thank you for being a part of my life.

Yours always,

Noe

P.S. Next week I should have a great Friends on Friday interview post for you!

Trailer Trash Tuesday-Broken

List of things that are broken on the Trailer:

1. Kitchen sink has a big hole in the divider part of the two sinks. I fixed it with clear packing tape.

2. Refrigerator shelf. Attempted to fix with super glue but it broke again.

3. The toilet keeps leaking even after it was "fixed."

4. New floor vent covers are now cracked.

5. Hood for stove top doesn't want to stay up.

6. Bathroom fan is busted.

7. Laundry basket broke.

8. Hand towel holder in bathroom broke.

9. Couch covers are coming apart.

10. Shower/Tub faucet won't turn off so we have to close the shower head so that the water will stay off.

11. Silverware drawer.

I think the RV is trying to tell us to move or it is trying to help us accept the fact that we are living in a trailer that is trashed at the moment. But in better news, I am not feeling broken!

Mommy Monday

I really suck at being a blogging mother. I don't like to post about the things that my kids do when I don't know who will be reading everything.

They are all doing well. Those who are in school are getting good grades. The one that isn't in school is currently feeling a bit sick but still a sweetie.  Here's a picture from Christmas morning. Please note how they got in the Christmas spirit by turning their eyes red. Guess I will have to fix it when I have time... or not.

The Nothing

I like to pretend that I am strong and can be a good example to others. At least that is what I like to tell myself, that I am making a difference somehow because right now, things suck.

I deal with depression without meds. I am lucky that I can, or unlucky depending on who you ask. But right now I am in the midst of a severe bout but luckily school starts tomorrow and I will be able to exercise to keep the monster at bay. Well, that is my hope.  This post isn't for you but this time it is for me, because I am selfish like that.

I feel helpless. I feel that it is pointless,  I feel like nothing.  Depression to me feels like The Nothing in The Never-ending Story. A big black cloud that takes away everything that is beautiful, good, creative, and strong in the world.  It makes me feel like a nothing. Because it is something inside of me I feel that I am worthless and that I am The Nothing.  That everything I come into contact with becomes broken.  I withdraw from those I should care about and things that should be beautiful, good, creative and strong just seem as if they don't matter because nothing matters when I am depressed and that makes me feel more depressed.

The trigger to this latest bout was leaving Arizona after Christmas break.  The drive back was long and tedious and I was hurting from having dental work done down in Mexico.  I was mourning leaving my family once again.  I was stuck listening to a book on CD for hours, that I had no desire to hear.  I got back to the RV and suddenly there was a ton of work to do and things started breaking.  Then we found out that our renter in AZ is going to be moving at the end of February. So, now we are going to be stuck with a house payment for a house that we can't live in, leaving us with even less money than we already have.  It has made things harder than normal.

Even as I write that it just seems so petty and repetitive. Poor me, I'm so poor, your problems are insignificant to mine because I live in an RV blah blah blah.  I get sick of the constant complaining and that there seems to be always some tragedy lurking in the distance in my life and in my head.  Just when I get a glimpse of happiness, something happens to snatch it all away.  The thing that really has me scared is that I am losing my compassion for others.  The first couple years made me more sympathetic, but the longer I have been here the less feelings I have for others who I feel have it better than me.  The real me is kind, considerate and compassionate, but right now a monster has control and I am in the battle for my life once again.

I recently read two blogs that impacted me and made me jealous at the same time. One highlights that others who deal with depression have a much more severe version that I do, and the other is about not having mommy guilt, but I think that it can be applied to those that are not mothers too.  For now, I am going to recognize that I am of no use to anyone at the moment. So, here are two links to the two blogs:

The Bloggess

Don't Carpe Diem

I'm going to go try to scrape myself up and clean and pretend like everything is fine, even though I just want to   disappear.

Friends on Friday- Terri

What better way to recharge the blog than with a friend interview. This one has been brewing for a while, thanks for being patient.

Terri is a friend to all that she meets.  She is always smiling and willing to lend an ear.  Her kids are super sweet and have their mother's talent of making you feel special and loved.  We both are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I had the privilege of teaching her kids songs in Primary. Her children would always sing their best and would give me a hug at any opportunity.  She is a good friend so I wanted to know more about her.

N: Could you tell me a bit about yourself?

T: I am a stay at home mom to 3 rambunctious kids ages 4, 6 & 8 and a wife to an amazing rambunctious man. We met while I was living with a friend and her husband. We were married 8 months later. I am a "Coastie Wife". This is what you are called if you are married to someone who is in the Coast Guard. We have been married for 10 years. It's been a great experience meeting new people (although it takes me a while to get to know people because I am not outgoing when it comes to making friends, but I'm getting better with this whole moving every 3-5 years.)

N: What are you passionate about?

T: I am passionate about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I had a wild streak when I moved out of my mom's house that lasted about 3 years. I know personally what it feels like to not have the Holy Ghost with you. Ever since coming back to church, my life has changed tremendously--not only mine, but my husbands as well.

N: What was a defining moment in your life?

T:  My daughter's blessing day. This is the day that changed my life! The opening song in sacrament meeting was "Families Can Be Together Forever". Tears streamed down my face. They continued through her whole blessing. That day I told my husband that I was going to go back to church. I knew it was where I needed to be!

N: What are the best and worst things about being a Coastie wife? What was your favorite place to live?

T: Best: Getting to see new places... even though we met here in Oregon, transferred to Kodiak, Alaska, and then transferred back to here.. so I haven't been to many places! But.. Alaska was amazing! And going to a new ward and making new life long friends.

Worst: Having your husband away from you. In Alaska, he would have to be gone anywhere from 1-3 months at a time out in the Bering Sea on a boat... not being able to talk to him on the phone every day was hard! He could only call while he was in port. But I looked forward to a daily email from him, even if it was just "I'm OK!"

So far, I'd have to say Alaska--like I said... I haven't been to many places yet.. But... Kodiak is BEAUTIFUL! And lots of things to do with little kiddos! It's a great place to raise young kids, and there are so many people who are far away from their families that you just become one big family!

Kodiak, Alaska

N: I know you must have some fun stories about your kids. Could you tell me some of them?

T: M has always been a sweetheart to be around. We lived next door to my grandparents when she was a baby, until she turned one. When we transferred to Kodiak, my grandpa missed her so much, he would look through her pictures every day and they'd always put a smile on his face! We were able to visit one last time before he passed away, and while she was there, you wouldn't even know that he wasn't feeling well!

We are learning a lot of new things about B since he has started school! This year, he's decided that he likes running laps a whole bunch! Since school started on September 6th, with only 4 day school weeks, he has already ran 87 miles!

E is by far our most challenging child so far... But he's a lot of fun too! He's funny... whenever he's looking at something, he shouts out the first thing that comes to mind. We were looking through an oriental trading magazine when he was three... he saw a costume and said "That's what I want to be for Halloween... an Octopus Butt!" First of all... why would anyone want to be an octopus butt for halloween??? Second... it was an alien!

N: They are so fun! What advice would you give other military wives?

T: Try not to get frustrated with your husband's job... because he's probably frustrated with it more than you, and then having you frustrated as well puts more stress on him!!! Make sure he knows you are thankful for him and that you love him!

I think he knows that Terri is thankful for him!

N: What are some of the ways that your life has changed for the better since coming back to church?

T: The most important is having A join the church, and being able to go to the temple to be sealed together forever! I'm healthier... making better choices! Being a good example to my kids!

N: Terri, thank you so much for sharing your life with me. You are not only a good example to your kids but to me and all that you meet.