Mommy Monday-Hugs

Can I just say that one of the best things about being a mother is an endless supply of hugs and surprising compliments? I love it when my kids come up to me just because they want a hug.  Even my oldest still likes getting hugs from his mom. I hope they never lose their desire to come up to me and give me a hug whenever they or I need it.

As for the compliments, A2 cracked me up when she recently said in her little four year old voice, "Your eyes look like they have cracks of glass in them. You are so pretty, mommy."  She gives the best compliments. She cracked me up!

Cracks of glass? Okay!

Friends on Friday-Ash

So, time has suddenly gotten away from me and here it is May and I haven't blogged in quite a bit.  In my defense, things have been crazy busy.  I have been rocking the grades so far. My hubby has started his preceptor-ship at the hospital.  The kids are in swimming and baseball.  Fun. Crazy. Good.  Our 12th anniversary is tomorrow and we are celebrating with a mini-weekend getaway! But, on to the interview.

I did this interview way back in February!  I am so bad.  I am, however, super blessed to have Ash in my life.  She is a source of pure joy and badassery.  Our four year old daughters were born on the exact same day and we have known each other since before they were born. All the pictures in this blog are courtesy of Ashlynn imagery, Ash's photography business. Check out her blog: http://www.ashlynnimagery.com/

The girl

N:Could you tell me a bit about yourself?

A:I am just a girl. A girl with a not so secret obsession with chocolate. A girl who has seen and experienced what life can throw at you. A girl who has two little girls who shine the light into every crevice of my heart and being. I'm a just girl who is in love with a boy. My little girls are quite fond of this boy too he is quite an awesome daddy! I am also a proud daddy's girl. If it wasn't for my daddy I would not be where I am today in any way shape or form! There is a lot that can be said of this girl but the qualities I hold dear of myself are my humor... life is entirely way too short to live in anger, I love to laugh. Love, there is no life without love. Honesty, this is what you can be sure to always get from me whether you are my friend or I just met you. I'm also exceedingly loyal and faithful to the end. I'm just an all around your next door neighbor Canadian girl... I love bacon, chocolate and really loud music to dance too!

The boy

N:What are you passionate about?

A: I am most definitely passionate about family. Family is the number one most important element in my life. Family isn't just blood to me it's about choosing to be there no matter what thick or thin. My family are the ones I put my most effort and love into. I am also a photographer, I have been creative my whole life, drawing, painting, sculpting and now I have my camera as my medium and I am in love! Nothing gives me greater pleasure than catching a moment and making it a piece of art for all to admire and be invited into share the moment of the subject. I'm also an avid reader, I love books and having images painted in my head playing out some twisted plot!

Rylie

N:What was a defining moment in your life? 

A: I have quite a few of these so it's hard to just pick one. A defining moment when I was a teenager was when my father showed me the adoption papers. Nothing sweeter than knowing he chose to be my dad (love you dad! ). A defining moment in my early 20s is when I first became pregnant it challenged everything about myself and my fears. Being a mom is the single most greatest accomplishment I will have in my life. My most recent moment is stumbling into photography. It makes me feel whole and constantly challenges myself. My moments have led me here it was definitely quite the journey, but I am happy with the direction I'm 

headed.

Danielle

N:You are just so amazingly comfortable in your own skin and I admire that about you. You seem happy, pretty much all the time. Is there anything that pisses you off?

A: LOL @ happy all the time. I wish I was happy all the time. Nope, things can greatly annoy me. I have short patience for the obviously stupid things people (including myself ) can do that could have been solved with some thinking... or if life just throws me another twist out of no where. My kids now say "really" because of me. Every time someone or something happens that just irks me I go " Really!??! Seriously ? " haha.

N: Why did you decide to get tattoos and what/where are they?

A: I got tattoos for a few reasons. One, I really love art and I like having what I love on my body forever it's just for me and it's only mine. I also like being constantly reminded it's not fair to judge a book by it's cover that a lot of things really are just skin deep there's so much more beyond. I have a full sleeve tattoo on my left arm. It is a whole piece with a tree,orchids, coy fish, water and I have a crying geisha on the inside of my arm. To me it represents my life, the fish/flowers are times in my life the water is time constantly flowing through. The crying geisha represents emotions that have come with my life and the tree/orchids represent my father ( the tree ) and my sisters the orchids my family. I also have a tribal tattoo on my lower back with my birth month jewel in the center and Rylie's name on the back of my neck. I will be getting Danielle's name tattooed on me as well. And one for my grandmother.

N: What is your favorite joke or the funniest thing to ever happen to you? 

A: Being born. LOL! I could not pin point just one thing, I have a tendency of finding most things greatly amusing.

N: What is your favorite kind of chocolate?

A: hmm right now I'm loving the Cadbury mini eggs.. it's like crack to me haha.

N: Thank you so much for being patient with me.  Thank you for giving me the courage to just be myself and enjoy everyday. I am so glad we are friends.  You remind me that everyday can be fun and new adventures are just waiting to happen, we just have to give them a little nudge once in a while and bloom where we are planted. 

2012 Ashlynn Imagery by Ash

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Mommy Monday- TEENAGER!

It has finally happened. I have become the mother of a teenager. Where did the time go?

J1's birthday is to day and we celebrated this morning with birthday waffles.  He had his favorite meal of orange chicken and pork fried rice.  He chose a sophisticated turtle chocolate torte for his birthday cake.  We sang. He opened his gift and is now glued to the television playing a game on an actual school night. He is happy as a clam.

Poor J2 ended up getting sick after his birthday doughnut last Friday. I got a call right before my Chemistry class that he had gotten sick so I came home.  I ended up cleaning puke most of the day.  Later that night, J1 got sick at his scout camp out so I drove out and picked him up.  Then around midnight I got sick!  It was not fun.

We got a new cake for J2 and sang to him a day late even though I wasn't fully feeling well. He had fun and today we also gave him a belated gift.

All is well. What more could a mom ask?

Theatre Thursday- I'm singing!

I am taking voice lessons in an effort to improve my voice and work on breath support. I apparently have a knack for picking songs that are really hard to sing. I am currently working on Maybe This Time from Cabaret and Unexpected Song from Song and Dance.  Unexpectedly, Unexpected Song is easier for me and I felt like it was the one song that if I could sing it, I could sing anything I wanted. I was so naive.

Good news is I can hit a high G and even all the way up to a high B flat on a good day and I can sing as low as a man. My range has been surprising. My issues it turns out are mostly psychological.  I am not used to hearing myself sing high and when I know a higher note is coming, I have a bad habit of psyching myself out.

We went through Maybe This Time and made some conscious acting choices and it helped but I have found that I am out of shape acting wise, because it has been so long. I am enjoying it but I had taken for granted how hard it can actually be to perform.  Add on top of that, singing correctly while giving a meaningful and believable performance and I was intimidated. It did however help my singing and I sounded better than ever, until I got to the section where  I knew the notes were high.

The crazy thing is that Unexpected Song has even higher notes than Maybe This Time, but I don't have any problem hitting them.  My issues in that song are breathing in all the correct places.

So, I have learned I have issues.  My voice instructor joked that maybe I need a counselor and not voice lessons. My voice is amazing according to him. I just need to believe in myself.  So, I am going to work on believing in myself, but I could sure use some outside encouragement.

Of course, I realize that I really just need to accept that I am amazing. Not just that I will be awesome in the future, which I will, but that I am pretty special right now.  Why must it be so hard for me to believe that I am of worth?  I need some self esteem lessons.

I'm not perfect and I never will be, but what I am right now is enough for right now. Onwards and upwards!

Trailer Trash Tuesday-Gah!

Today while we were at school, the awning was blown up and over the RV. It is still there as the rain hasn't stopped and it is not safe to go up there.  The frames that hold it are all bent out of shape.  Just one more thing  to add to the list of things needing to be fixed.  I am grateful there wasn't any more damage and that we are all safe and warm. I'll post a picture as soon as I can. It is too scary out there for now!

Mommy Monday- March Madness

One peculiarity about my kiddos is that they were all born in March. While it is fun to celebrate all in one month it also makes it a bit crazy.  The boys' birthdays are first, followed by the girls. My poor youngest daughter has lamented that her birthday is too far away from the other kids birthdays, it is two weeks later.

Friday is the first birthday and I still have no idea what I am going to do for any of their birthdays. I have been so wrapped up in my classes and tests that it sort of snuck up on me this year.  I used to plan great parties for the older kids when they were little. Living in a fifth wheel makes such parties difficult.

We had a tradition of the birthday doughnut.  We used to do pancakes, but since my time has been more limited in the morning and doughnuts became more of a rarity around here, the birthday doughnut tradition was born. This also means we are all sick of doughnuts by April. Last year, A2 opted for a birthday bagel and A1 opted for blueberry waffles. So, I guess we have a new tradition once again.

 


They will get a choice of either me making them a cake/dessert or picking one out from the store. They also get to pick their favorite dinner that I have made. I do know that on Friday we will be having macaroni and cheese with hot dogs. It is not my favorite meal and is a mostly a hurry up and throw something together meal, but J2 loves it.

For the most part, March makes me remember how lucky I am to have four wonderful children. They help me to be thankful for the small things. They grow up way too fast. Somehow, this year I will become a  mother of a teenager. I don't think I am old enough to be the mother of a teenager! We will make it through somehow. I hope we are ready for it.

Whatever Wednesday- And then I said something stupid.

I have a confession to make.

I have this issue where I care about what everyone thinks about me.

I like to cultivate the way people view me. Of course, part of this is due to acting and analyzing every detail to come up with a character and their motivations. I guess, in a way, I am always creating my own character.

Most of the time, I think I am fairly conscious of how I am being perceived. I am also very careful about what I say because I want people to feel comfortable at all times.  I actually really care about people, not just about how they feel towards me.  Oftentimes, I feel as though I am emotionally attached to people who could care less about me.

This has caused several problems for me lately.

I had a craptastic week a while ago. It was a Murphy's Law week where everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.  I was having a major pity party for one.  I won't bore you with the details. Anyway, there are some fabulous women who I have conversed with on occasion online, who I wanted to go to and complain. Generally, when this happens they give support and comfort because they are awesome. As I was reading through the thread, many of these ladies had rightfully complained about what problems they were having.

And then I said something stupid.

I went on a bit of a rant and basically said that my problems were worse than theirs and to please stop complaining and do it elsewhere. I was sick of one of my few safe havens becoming a complain fest.

Yet, I was doing the exact thing I was complaining about. Not one of my finer moments. I only hope they can forgive me.

Next instance, I was helping a friend clean up her former home that she had rented.  We also ran some errands. I had to pick up a prescription for J1 and since my hubs had the one car that was working that week she took me.  We were talking about some of my recent voice lessons and future plans. I mentioned that I was having issues with my high notes recently.

And then I said something stupid.

I told her that I view myself as man-ish most of the time.

It probably stems from being in the Army or from being cast in a boy role many times in high school. Also, I am pretty clueless when it comes to all thing frilly and pink. She informed me that I was totally off. Apparently, most people view me as very feminine.

So, this got me thinking. How I view myself verses how others view me is completely off.  I have a suspicion that this is not just limited to the masculine vs. feminine.  I have been told that I am pretty awesome from time to time and I just blow it off like it is nothing.  I see all my faults with such blinding clarity that it has made it difficult for me to see the good.

I was off in another way too. Pink and frilly does not necessarily equate with femininity.

The other problem is that I have been so caught up in all the very real, heartbreaking problems that I have been facing, that I have missed opportunities to help my friends when they really needed me emotionally, physically or mentally. I realized that it is not just important to help those less fortunate than me, but that it is important to help and be there for those who are more fortunate than me, should they need me.

The thing is that everybody has very real, heartbreaking problems.  What may seem to me to be a small problem, may in fact be a very large problem for someone else.  This perspective will and can only do harm.

What I have decided to do instead, is to not focus on the "problem"  or whether it is "big or small" but  rather to realize that someone is suffering. Once I realize that someone is suffering, my only job at that point is to be there in any way that I can. This is my resolve. Please forgive me for not being there in the past. I will try to be there from now on.

Basically, I realized that I need to cut others some slack and cut myself some slack at the same time.  We all want to be loved, when it comes down to it. So, I am going to fill my life with love for others and in doing so, I think I may just be able to love myself too.

And then I finally said something smart.