Theatre Thursday- I'm singing!

I am taking voice lessons in an effort to improve my voice and work on breath support. I apparently have a knack for picking songs that are really hard to sing. I am currently working on Maybe This Time from Cabaret and Unexpected Song from Song and Dance.  Unexpectedly, Unexpected Song is easier for me and I felt like it was the one song that if I could sing it, I could sing anything I wanted. I was so naive.

Good news is I can hit a high G and even all the way up to a high B flat on a good day and I can sing as low as a man. My range has been surprising. My issues it turns out are mostly psychological.  I am not used to hearing myself sing high and when I know a higher note is coming, I have a bad habit of psyching myself out.

We went through Maybe This Time and made some conscious acting choices and it helped but I have found that I am out of shape acting wise, because it has been so long. I am enjoying it but I had taken for granted how hard it can actually be to perform.  Add on top of that, singing correctly while giving a meaningful and believable performance and I was intimidated. It did however help my singing and I sounded better than ever, until I got to the section where  I knew the notes were high.

The crazy thing is that Unexpected Song has even higher notes than Maybe This Time, but I don't have any problem hitting them.  My issues in that song are breathing in all the correct places.

So, I have learned I have issues.  My voice instructor joked that maybe I need a counselor and not voice lessons. My voice is amazing according to him. I just need to believe in myself.  So, I am going to work on believing in myself, but I could sure use some outside encouragement.

Of course, I realize that I really just need to accept that I am amazing. Not just that I will be awesome in the future, which I will, but that I am pretty special right now.  Why must it be so hard for me to believe that I am of worth?  I need some self esteem lessons.

I'm not perfect and I never will be, but what I am right now is enough for right now. Onwards and upwards!